I know it’s been quite awhile since I’ve blogged. For me, blogging is very ebb and flow. I haven’t felt myself lately, nor have I felt that creative drive to just write. Rather than being inauthentic with you…it’s sometimes easier to just take a break! However, lately, there’s been a topic on my mind that I feel the need to bring to light. Having been in the blogging world for quite some time now, I’ve heard it all – “your life is amazing, you’re so balanced, you’re so fit, you’re so motivated, you’re always so positive, etc. etc.” Though it’s quite flattering to hear these thing, it’s not always the truth and I hate that instagram sometimes portrays it that way. Yes, I’m the one who is sharing these photos, recording stories, etc. But I don’t always share the whole “woe is me” story since I do my best to be this positive light and I think there’s a fine balance between oversharing and not sharing enough. At the same time, I do try to share my struggles with you every now and then because I want you to understand that I too, am HUMAN and we are not perfect. I prefer to do this through writing rather than a little blurb on a photo or me talking to you through a story (just my personal preference on how I prefer to get my words out).
What you don’t see behind the perfectly posed pictures, are my everyday struggles, just like everyone else! We all have them. Yes I get to work from home as part of my full-time job, but is this my dream job? No. Do I know what the hell I want to do with my life? Still no. Was BerryGood Bliss a success? Nope. Does that mean I’m giving up on it forever? Also no. The biggest thing lately however, has been dealing with the stress of balancing divorced parents who do not get along, while planning a big wedding. I’ll be honest, this has not been the most “enjoyable” experience I thought it would be to plan a wedding. It’s not to say it’s all been bad at all, but it definitely hasn’t been smooth sailing either. Trust me, I know this weekend will all come together and it will be amazing…and of course, the best part, I get to marry my best friend. That being said, I’m the kind of person who always feels the need to please, which means I find myself constantly playing this balancing act between my parents. Lately my anxiety and stress levels have been at an all time high, which I’ve shared with them both. I had been keeping it to myself for quite some time, but recently it all boiled up. I know I shouldn’t keep these things to myself, but again, it goes back to me always wanting to remain strong and please everyone. At the end of the day, I know it’s neither of my parents intention to have their personal feelings between one another affect me…sadly it’s the “not so easy” side of divorce and wedding planning isn’t exactly rainbows and butterflies when you are trying to all get “along”. If only there was a how-to book for situations like this (haha …wishful thinking)!
As a result of my anxiety being heighted, I find myself falling into unhealthy habits of feeling sorry for myself and unconnected with my TRUE self. I haven’t been meditating or practicing yoga as much. I’d rather sit on the couch at night then do something productive. I reach for sugary foods on weekends that I think will “make all things better”. Oh the list could go on. However, at the end of the day, the only person who has the power to change things is MYSELF. Fortunately enough, I thrive in warmer weather and with Spring finally coming to life in Boston, I’ve felt more driven to stop feeling sorry myself and bring back some positive habits into my life like journaling, walking, listening to positive podcasts, connecting with friends, going to group fitness classes and so on.
The point is, instagram can be REALLY great but also can be do detrimental on mental health and wellness. Though I hate to admit it, I certainly catch myself scrolling through instagram, comparing, wishing I had something that someone has achieved, feeling sorry for myself and so on. What I’ve found lately that has helped is taking a step back and truly being grateful for what I DO have in my life. We all are unique and have strengths that make us WHO we ARE. I’ve been doing this through journaling and simply sharing things that I’m both grateful for AND writing down the things I love about myself. Again, I don’t mean to share all of this because I want you to feel sorry for me. I just want you to know that we all have struggles and it can be really easy to hide behind instagram and pretend like life is perfect. At the end of the day, the bad comes with the GOOD and there is always a light at the end of the tunnel 🙂